For what we once were.

His suitcase by the door, he had his coat on. I was staring silently at the door. He didn’t say much, but I knew since our last fight that he had given up on us. I could sense his cold heart miles away. He was over me, he was over us. He moved on a long time ago, but it took me a fight after the other to finally realize where we’re heading.

He kneeled over, kissed my forhead, and my heart skipped a beat. Just like it did years ago when he first told me he loved me with my hand on his chest and the other in his hands. I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t move. I thought maybe if I pulled him closer and promised him I would try and fix everything, he might stay.
But then I remembered I don’t have anything left to offer. We were both worn out from trying to fit together uncompatible pieces. We both knew love wasn’t enough, but we overlooked all the ugly nights, and hung on to that one night where our friends came over and we had to play mr. and mrs perfect. Even when I was in pain he would tap on my shoulders, buy me all the medications I needed, made me breakfast in bed, but he never said anything, even though he knew how his sweet words would make my pain vanish in a blink. He was a gentlemen enough to not promise me things he can’t do anymore.

We both knew, but kept on hoping something would come and make it magically better, but nothing did, and nothing will ever either. It is a long distance back to where we were, and we’re both holding on to parts of each other that are no longer here.

“Love was never enough, love.” He said. I looked up and said, “we were never enough. Love has nothing to do with us.” And with a grin on my face I slowly slipped my wedding ring into his pocket and whispered “give your grandmother’s ring to someone that is here to stay, someone that would fall for you harder everytime you walk by the door, for love my dear, tends to fade.”

And ever since that door was closed, life was never the same, he took my familiar world with him. But I was free at last. But is freedom what I have always wanted? I know I was never good at being anyone’s anything, but for a girl that has always made a home out of people’s hearts, where will I settle when I am done with all the wandering?

I wonder..


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